Note: These are taken frum an e-mail my friend got called "Adam Sandler's Astrology". They are meant to be entertaining & not to be taken seriously. I'm seriously you guys.
If you don't like this horoscope try Pedro's, you might like those better.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
Cancer (June 22 - July 22)
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Libra (September 23 - October 23)
Scorpio (October 24 - November 21)
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)
Visitor Comments:
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You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.
You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient and full of advise. You do nothing but piss-off everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick.
You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your so-called power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.
You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamned communist. You should be shot.
You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Gemini's are notorious for thriving on incest.
You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.
You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most Leo's are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving motherfuckers and enjoy masturbation more than sex. You ought to buy flowers for your hand.
You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your shit-picking attitude is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgo's make good bus drivers.
You are the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing with reality. If you are a male you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are null. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.
You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lake of ethics. You are the perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpio's are mudered.
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarius are drunks. You are a worthless piece of shit.
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.
