Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol (As Read By Dyluminati With Special Guests Raul & Old Joe)
1. Stave One: Marley's Ghost
2. Stave Two: The First Of The Three Spirits
3. Stave Three: The Second Of The Three Spirits
4. Stave Four: The Last Of The Spirits
5. Stave Five: The End Of It
Comments: This is my take on Charles Dickens' classic tale A Christmas Carol. It appears here in the exact form it appears in the book, except it's not in print form this is in audio form so you can listen to it instead of reading it. Just lay back, baby, and let me read it to you. Raul has a minor occasional variation from the text, but nothing too gratuitous.
I originally recorded this for my grandfather. He's addicted to books on tape. Once upon a time we discussed our mutual affection for A Christmas Carol I, of course, have the book, as I am literate, and I have at least three books that were not written by Dr. Suess. So I sat down in front of my computer and my microphone and read aloud for four straight days until had read the whole book with my mouth. Then I spent many more days editing out my faux pas when I wasn't fondling my penis, at which times my hands were full of the Dickens. That's a double entendre. Maybe that's just nasty. The book is broken down into 28 4-7 minute tracks. Some of my favorite faux pas are featured in a bonus track entitled "Bloopy Poopies."
Basically, this was a lot of work I did for fun and Christmas and my grandfather, which I hope will increase my inheritance. It's downloadable for free, so you may download it and sit back and enjoy the sexiness of my voices. Or don't. Really, I don't give a fuck. I just worked really hard on it and I think it came out well and wanted to share it with the world in hopes of spreading joy and orgasms this Christmas. Will it really fuckin' hurt you to download it and gather around the fire with your family for a few hours of enjoyment? Come on, you're not gonna read the book yourself. The book is always better than the movies, except the Muppets' Christmas Carol or Mickey's Christmas Carol or the one with Patrick Stewart or the Beavis & Butt-Head episode where it's the opposite and the angel has to talk them into killing themselves (oh wait, that was an It's A Wonderful Life parody. Wait. No, that was Butt-Head's adventure, Beavis' adventure is A Christmas Carol.) or Scrooged or A Miracle On 34th Street or It's A Wonderful Life or Christmas Story (you'll shoot your eye out, you'll shoot your eye out) or Bad Santa (my grandmother said it's "pretty fuckin' funny") or South Park episode #617 "Red Sleigh Down" where they go with Santa & Jesus to bring Christmas to the good people of Iraq or remember that episode of Alf where he goes to the hospital and meets the terminal little girl and talks the guy out of suicide. What the fuck are we discussing?
Just download it, it's free. It will bring you some joy during this recession destroyed Christmas season with no lights, trees, carols, presents, ham, hookers, eggnog or Christmas specials. Mr. Hankey won't be coming this year, because your mom can't afford her fiber supplements due to this recession. You need all the free shit you can get. Why am I still typing? There are so many other things I could be doing. I'm just sitting here rambling with my fingers. No one is tending to my penis. Any volunteers? I should be going. Merry Christmas. Happy Holidays. Enjoy the story. Download it for free. You may make a donation if it would make you feel better. - D (12:16 AM 11/15/2008)
