~D~
It all started one winter day in Bodega Bay, CA, in a location where there is currently an Italian restaurant. My father's semen evacuted his one functional testicle and swam forthwith toward my mother's vagina, then uterus and finally her egg. One special sperm, one might even say "super" sperm, was the smartest, strongest and fastest of the bunch, of course there was only half the semen there would normally be if there were two fully functional testicles. This special, super sperm penatrated my mother's egg and a baby began to grow inside her. Or maybe I was adopted. Maybe I could still be adopted. Angelina? I do still breast-feed. I hope you don't mind.
It was shortly after that, within fuckin' weeks, my parents were evicted and rendered homeless. This is the point where someone with a brain, someone untainted by the 60s, would seek an abortion. My parents weren't quite that intelligent.
That's pretty much all there is to tell. Well, I started doing radio when I was in high school. My friend Noah Stevens had his very own radio show. Another friend, David Robinson, was assisting him. David knew I was the "CD Guy", because all the muthafuckaz in our class would borrow my discman all throughout every school day. People would literally seek me out to see what CDs I had with me that day. Noah and Dave began asking me to borrow some CDs for the show they were doing. After a while they just started bringing me up there with them. Eventually I inherited the show and ran with it.
After a while I started toying with the idea of making a website for the show, which would feature all the shit I have available for radio play. My brother's friend, Adam Taylor, who was also the little brother of my friend and co-host for a while, Kevin "Gumby" Taylor, jumped on it. He already had it designed and started before I was even fully commited to the idea. Literally without Adam, none of this would have been possible. I wouldn't even have known where to start. He started it and I just copied what he did and went from there, so, even though he hasn't actually worked on this site for years, his fingerprints are all over it. He taught me the most important thing about doing this, how to learn how to do shit.
Other than my cats, I love three things very much; music, baseball and comedy. I would love to pursue a career in any of those, but the first two already didn't work-out, so it's on to the third. I've been writing for years, lyrics, poems, stories, jokes... I compiled many of my poems and lyrics for my book Love, Life, Humor & Revolution: My Book Of Rhymes. I don't really like to write stories, so fuck them, but I didn't have an outlet for my jokes. I looked for comedy clubs nearby wherein I could possibly try out some of my jokes, but I couldn't find any. Being a huge fan of Hip-Hop, mixtapes are a part of my everyday life, so I picked up my microphone and started talking shit.
When I told Phil I was going to do a comedy mixtape, he loved the idea and immediatly volunteered to help. It was his idea to include Raul and Raul's idea to include Old Joe. Even though none of them actually appear on Let's Fuckin' Do This Or Jesus Is My Bitch, they all played a big part in making sure it was made.
~Phil M. Cockenbolz~
Phil and I go way back. We grew up together. I owe Phil a lot. There were a lot of potentially lonely nights when he was there for me. I'd like to think we were there for each other. It's because of him I got laid for the first time. He hooked me up and that was a very kind thing. He's one of my very best friends and that's for life.
Phil's a very talented muthafuckah. He does voices, he sings and he has a lot of good ideas. He's a very funny muthafuckah. He does a lot of background vocals, which is very helpful in making the songs sound more full and rich, especially since they're all a cappella.
Phil's a little wild and crazy and sometimes he can be irrational. I don't like the irrational so much, everything else he does makes him a very good muthafuckah to have around.
~Old Joe~
I usually don't like old people, if you listen to the mixtape you can hear why the elderly and I may not get along so well, but Old Joe is a crazy muthafuckah. That craziness comes in handy in the world of comedy. I've used him for some inspiration. He's also a good guy to have around. There have been a lot of times when shit's not working out and tension's high and Old Joe will do something ridiculous and everybody will just start laughing like a muthafuckah. He's the only one who can reason with Raul. He can get him to do things no one else can. That's a good kind person to have around.
Old Joe is a true porn vet. He, as he tells it, started doing porn in 1923. He finally retired in 1999, when he stricken with the I.B.S. Don't do the math, because it's fuckin' gross. It's not pleasant.
Raul and Old Joe met during Raul's brief stint in the world of pornography. When Raul found out Old Joe had been fired and was living in the streets, he immediately wanted to help him. Raul took in Old Joe the same way Phil and I took in Raul.
Joe has a lot in common with Raul. He's crazy, he says whatever comes to his mind and he's insatiable. It probably has something to do with all those decades in porn or maybe it's all the pills he pops. I'm a little worried about him. He pops Viagra like they're candy. I think he's addicted.
When Phil wanted to get involved with the comedy shit, he thought Raul would be a good fit and Old Joe was part of the package deal. It's like Sinatra sang, "You can't have one without the other," and I'm pretty glad it worked out that way. Other than the occasional shitty diaper, Joe's a real asset to the team.
~Raul~
I'll let Raul tell you about himself. See: Raul's Life Story Of Justice, Danger, Despair, Fornication, Drama & Rapture
- D (4:01 PM 3/22/2007)
Official Sites: Thug Radio, D's MySpace, Raul's MySpace, Phil M. Cockenbolz' MySpace & Old Joe's MySpace
